The Saturday Night Fever of Election 2008 or Where is the funk?

This year's election is reminding me more and more of Saturday Night Fever. Although, I'm afraid that I will end up liking the movie better than the results of this election. John (read Tony Manero) has chosen Sarah Palin (or Stephanie) and I guess Obama and Biden are the PuertoRican couple (just bear with me, especially if you accepted McCain as Tony Manero). And no, I'm not going to have Hillary represent anyone from the movie. So stop wondering who is going to play Annette. She could have just as easily been left out of the movie.

So we got about 6 weeks till the big dance off at 2001 Odyssey, I mean White house, and just like the movie we have to wait and see who really wins. Odds are it will be the (and here I begin my mangue-damus prediction) it will be the Puerto Rican couple. Why change the script? Does any one really think that John and Sarah can out dance Obama and Biden?


I must admit my prediction appears to be based on a very shallow senseless movie but I have searched up and down the TV news stations and the internet for some information that would give me something deeper than lapel pins, preachers, pregnant teen, fashionable glasses, and sound bites. I hope all those who say / have said hip-hop is not music because of sampling suffer for an eternity. I much prefer to hear a 3 second George Clinton groove in a Dr Dre song than have my intelligence harassed by the non-stop sound bite offered by both news agencies and politicians. But the news media would have me believe that most people can form an opinion from 3 secs of information. This is like finding some profound philosophic meaning in the fact that Tony Manero's brother opted not to be a priest because of lack of faith (another character that could have been left out of the movie. Seriously, nothing in the movie would be altered by taking out the brother and just having Tony's father hate his son dancing all the time).


For me though, there just isn't any funk. No strong bass lines. No cool syncopated horn sections. No sensuality and definitely nothing that could be construed as controversial. So instead of wasting a year or more on this campaigning I think we should decide who leads our country by combining this country's most effective democratic platform, American Idol with the other, not so democratic, but beloved and full of hometown goodness, Miss America contest.

It would work something like this:

Preliminary Competitions Scoring

• Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit - 15%
• Evening Wear - 20%
• Talent - 35%
• Public Interview - 25%
• On-Stage Question – 5%

Finals Competition Scoring

The scoring for President of the USA Competition is weighted accordingly:

• Composite Score - 30% (Top 16)
• Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit - 20% (Top 16)
• Evening Wear - 20% (Top 10)
• Talent - 30% (Top 8)
• On-Stage Question (Top 8)
• Final Ballot – Each judge ranks the top 5 contestants in the order he/she believes they should each finish. The outcome of the contest is based solely on the point totals resulting from the final ballot.

This would go on for a week, with each night's program ending with all the numbers and web site info one would need to vote until we got our winner. The tough part would be picking out the judges (sorry, no Brits allowed). I have a theory for picking judges but I'm open to suggestions. I think many would agree with me that we would definitely learn a lot more about the candidates over a shorter time in a contest like this. And come on, the network ratings will be boiling on the nights of the swim wear and talent presentations.

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